Why kids open up more in writing than in conversation

I’ll never forget the day my daughter wrote something in our Pass-Back Journal that made me stop in my tracks. It wasn’t anything dramatic or alarming, just a small admission about feeling left out one lunchtime at school. The thing is, she hadn’t mentioned it out loud, even though we’d talked that evening.

That’s when it hit me: sometimes it's easier for words to find their way to a page before they ever make it to our lips.

Why writing feels safer for kids

When I spoke to my bestie (a child psychologist) and my sister-in-law (a child psychiatrist), they both said the same thing: writing gives children space.

Space to find the words without being interrupted.
Space to process feelings before sharing them.
Space to choose exactly how much to reveal.

Face-to-face conversations, especially with adults (even parents), can feel intense for children. There’s eye contact, tone of voice and the pressure to answer in the moment. But on paper, that pressure often disappears.

The “slow conversation” effect

One of the most powerful things about an adult–child journal is that it slows the conversation down. Kids can write at their own pace, think about what they want to say and re-read it before handing it over. And for us as parents (or aunties or grandparents), reading their words in our own quiet moment means we can respond thoughtfully, rather than reactively.

Writing lowers the emotional temperature

Children’s mental health experts often use journalling as a tool in therapy because it takes away the “heat” from big feelings. When emotions are high, the act of writing gives the brain a moment to regulate... to step back, reflect and express without the overwhelm of a live conversation.

You’ll learn things you didn’t expect

Some of the sweetest surprises in our journal have been tiny details I’d never have thought to ask about. A new favourite song, a dream she had, a funny habit. These little glimpses matter because they add up to a fuller picture of who our kids are becoming.

If you’re starting out

Obviously I recommend you grab The Pass-Back Journal - but if you want to DIY:

• Keep your questions open and judgement-free. Instead of “Did you like your day?”, try “Tell me something interesting about today.”
• Let your child set the pace. Some weeks they’ll fill a page, others just a line. Both are okay.
• Share your own honest answers. Kids are more willing to be open when they see vulnerability modelled back to them.

Writing together isn’t just about capturing memories, it’s about building a safe channel for your child’s voice. And in a world where so much of their communication is instant and digital, there’s something powerful about giving them a space that moves at the pace of ink on paper.