How journalling builds emotional intelligence in children

The first time my daughter Sophia wrote “Mum I felt so embarrassed today” in our Pass-Back Journal, I realised we were doing more than swapping stories. We were practising something bigger: emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence (or EQ) is the ability to recognise, understand and manage our own feelings, while also being aware of the feelings of others. It’s the skill behind empathy, resilience and healthy relationships. And just like reading or riding a bike, it can be learned and strengthened over time.

Why writing helps kids understand emotions

Giving children a voice on paper is one of the simplest and most effective ways to nurture EQ.

Here’s why:

• Writing slows thinking down: It gives children time to notice and name their emotions instead of reacting instantly.
• The page feels non-judgemental: There’s no facial expression or tone of voice to worry about, just a safe space to put their thoughts.
• It creates a record: Looking back on past entries helps children recognise patterns in their feelings and behaviour.

The link between self-expression and empathy

When kids share their own feelings in a journal and receive thoughtful, honest responses from an adult, they’re learning that emotions are valid and safe to express.  When a child feels heard, they’re more likely to listen to others in return.

Over time, this back-and-forth builds empathy. Children start to connect the dots e.g. “When I felt left out, it hurt. I don’t want someone else to feel that way.”

Simple ways to build EQ through journalling

1. Model emotional honesty
If your day was frustrating, say so in the journal and share why. It shows that even grown-ups have tricky feelings and healthy ways of expressing them. We've intentionally structured the Pass-Back Journal so that adults go first for this reason. 

2. Ask reflective questions
Instead of “How do you feel?”, try “What happened in that moment, and what did it feel like in your body?” These kinds of questions help kids connect physical sensations to emotions.

3. Name and normalise
If they write “I was angry”, you might reply with “I understand. I get angry too. Here’s something I do that helps me work through that yucky feeling.” Naming emotions and offering coping tools is a powerful combo.

The long-term payoff

Children with higher emotional intelligence tend to have stronger friendships, better problem-solving skills and more resilience in the face of challenges. And the beauty of journalling is that it sneaks this learning into an activity that feels fun and safe.

When I look back through the journals my kids and I have filled, I see more than their handwriting changing over time. I see a growing awareness of who they are, how they feel and how they move through the world - and that’s a life skill worth every page we’ve written together.